***
In my conference, I talked about how I was still a little scared and timid about stepping out of the box and into the personal essay. I want to keep at least one toe inside the box. I was asked why, and maybe it goes back to that whole "you can never go home" thing. If I step too far out, can I ever get back in? Or will I want to? Maybe I'm afraid of liking it outside of the box and, as we've heard over and over, that can be scholarly suicide. I think (and some people may/may not see this) that I have "outsider tendencies." Maybe these tendencies come from my fuzzy lineage, and not really feeling like I have a home and/or ancestors that I can connect with. I constantly feel outside.
It must be the risk of academic suicide that still scares me. I know that we have written a personal essay already, but it was for a personal essay class so the risk was not just minimal but nonexistent. I suppose that it is the idea of taking this type of writing outside of this class that frightens the crap out of me. Hopefully this class will inspire some more Courage in me.
***
I wonder if it is just the turning of the seasons. It seems I always fall into this stupor around this time of year. Perhaps it is because the weather makes me want to be outside when my daily life confines me inside most of the time. I love being outside during the Fall. It's so gray and soothing that I get lost in the meditative-ness of it all. So if you see me around and try to talk to me, don't be surprised or offended if I just stare at you blankly. I have simply been stricken with the season.
3 comments:
For me, spring and summer are the most active seasons of the year. Fall, because of the oncoming cold, makes the earlier periods seems like the bad denouement (sp?) to an otherwise good novel. And winter is the truly the season of my discontent. (Shakespeare reference.)
The stupor isn't just you. I always feel a little lethargic in the fall. The novelty of a new school year has just worn off and you're about halfway to the holidays. It's no wonder we lose steam. Why does it seem like there's more work to be done when the best weather of the year is occurring? :)
Yes, I agree, it's tough watching these weekenders and vacationers enjoying their lives in a tourist spot for fall and winter vacationers. Sometimes, I go to these vacation hangouts, eavesdrop on their vacation conversations, and live vicariously through them for a few minutes. It's not a bad thing to do once in a while.
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